When I was small my birthday was the best day. My birthday was the day that was entirely mine and all of the wonderful things of the year happened in this one day. I was one year older, one year closer to being grown up, one year to add to my collected years that would improve my seniority, one year more to count on my fingers until I ran out. Time would drag between the birthdays, the days that were mine. The year between would be endless and the days before more than infinite. A strange occurrence happened though at each birthday, looking back to the birthday before the time between now and then seemed to have been a mere moment. The days of waiting were, in the grand scheme of things, not long at all and as I have grown older yet the time of waiting does not affect me and the time between in less than instant.
Now i just want to go back because birthdays become less exciting with age. Now you wish for time to slow and birthdays to creep along slowly like molasses. You wish for more time and more space between the increasing age of your body. Now we are too big to fit into the same spaces we did as a child. All of my cousins can no longer fit as comfortable within a car at the maximum occupancy. We are too old for things like Easter Egg Hunts and riding the small ponies and digging the trenches for the toy tractors and dump trucks. My childhood friends have grown and are beginning to fade away like the sunset and go their own ways. The forever of the best friend is coming to an end. There are different animals on the farm, familiar yet new, some old, some young, each with a story, each a mere nick on the post of the fence, a mere moment in the age-old land.
I do not like the changing times. I wish to slow the moments down. This time in my life is tumultuous and changing. The twenties are a transitory time in the life of any person. It is the time after the childhood, the beginning of growing up and becoming individually independent. It is the ending of a time and the beginning of a time, it is the time in between, It is the time of finding the one to settle down with, the time of finding the rest of our life.
In this time of change I have new experience and I am nostalgic for old constants. I visit the place of my roots less. I no longer have the time to wander the pastures with the horses as they graze, to pass my hand along the cotton or corn stalks in the fields as I walk down the rows, to watch the clouds, the birds, and the skies. My time outside does not end when it becomes too dark to see, now there is a numerical time that minds me.
Birthdays are still exciting. I can add each one to the collection of days that are only mine. I hold less anticipation for them and feel less sadness when they are gone. I have grown one year older and the times are a-changing. Nostalgia for what I had is present but for now I attempt to escape the numerical times and hold my faith in the good that is yet to come.
