Birthdays

When I was small my birthday was the best day.  My birthday was the day that was entirely mine and all of the wonderful things of the year happened in this one day.  I was one year older, one year closer to being grown up, one year to add to my collected years that would improve my seniority, one year more to count on my fingers until I ran out.  Time would drag between the birthdays, the days that were mine.  The year between would be endless and the days before more than infinite.  A strange occurrence happened though at each birthday, looking back to the birthday before the time between now and then seemed to have been a mere moment.  The days of waiting were, in the grand scheme of things, not long at all and as I have grown older yet the time of waiting does not affect me and the time between in less than instant.
Now i just want to go back because birthdays become less exciting with age.  Now you wish for time to slow and birthdays to creep along slowly like molasses.  You wish for more time and more space between the increasing age of your body.  Now we are too big to fit into the same spaces we did as a child.  All of my cousins can no longer fit as comfortable within a car at the maximum occupancy.  We are too old for things like Easter Egg Hunts and riding the small ponies and digging the trenches for the toy tractors and dump trucks.  My childhood friends have grown and are beginning to fade away like the sunset and go their own ways.  The forever of the best friend is coming to an end.  There are different animals on the farm, familiar yet new, some old, some young, each with a story, each a mere nick on the post of the fence, a mere moment in the age-old land.
I do not like the changing times.  I wish to slow the moments down.  This time in my life is tumultuous and changing.  The twenties are a transitory time in the life of any person.  It is the time after the childhood, the beginning of growing up and becoming individually independent.  It is the ending of a time and the beginning of a time, it is the  time in between,  It is the time of finding the one to settle down with, the time of finding the rest of our life.
In this time of change I have new experience and I am nostalgic for old constants.  I visit the place of my roots less.  I no longer have the time to wander the pastures with the horses as they graze, to pass my hand along the cotton or corn stalks in the fields as I walk down the rows, to watch the clouds, the birds, and the skies.  My time outside does not end when it becomes too dark to see, now there is a numerical time that minds me.
Birthdays are still exciting.  I can add each one to the collection of days that are only mine.  I hold less anticipation for them and feel less sadness when they are gone.  I have grown one year older and the times are a-changing.  Nostalgia for what I had is present but for now I attempt to escape the numerical times and hold my faith in the good that is yet to come.

Loving the Rain

It was only a glance, a pause at a red light just before it changed. A flashing moment, that upon further consideration gave way to an elaborate style.  The girl was carrying her shoes and running in that trying-not-to-slip manner.  The rain was pouring down and soaked through all of her clothes upon impact.  Her hair was free and sticking to her neck and face and she still had so far to go.  The cars on the road beside the sidewalk on which she was traversing would occasionally splash a wave of water up as they shuffled through the traffic lights.  Upon first glance any on-looker would pity her, caught in the relentless rain and so far from anywhere with shelter.
In this moment she was laughing.  Not three steps behind her was a guy about her age; her partner in the empty world of the rain.  Rain has a way of isolating a person.  One is easily isolated from shelter of other people especially under the cover of an umbrella or rain jacket.  This couple had no protection and they were together alone in the rain.  He had no face and is less important because it is not his story, it is hers.
He was important to her though.  She was laughing and he was with her and she was not alone she was soaking wet and so far from anything and perfectly happy.  She was with him and they were alone in this world of rain running along this never-ending sidewalk.  The destination did not matter and the cars did not matter and the time did not matter.  Time was at a stand still and for a moment the girl was consumed with the warmth of happiness and love.
The light turned green.

Fluent

As I am learning to speak French, and as I attempted to learn Spanish in high school, I am increasingly amazed with the way people can become fluent in a foreign language, let along languages.  I imagine language comes more naturally to certain people such as math or athletics or music is more natural to others.  I also imagine some people learn the foreign language quickly through necessity and/or total immersion.  Then there are those devoted scholars with nothing to drive them beyond desire to learn a new language.  However the knowledge has been obtained I am completely in awe of the fluent speakers of foreign languages.  The more exotic the language is the more admiration I have for the individual.  One may argue that all foreign languages are exotic but I disagree.  For example, in Texas there are very many Spanish speakers, therefore a student of Spanish has probably heard, seen, or perhaps even utilized many Spanish words.  I am merely saying some languages a student has been exposed to while others are one may know exists but has never heard or seen written.  For example, before learning French in school I had only seen it written down a couple of times (if at all) and heard it perhaps a few times.  I have only heard Greek or Italian spoken in movie,s I have no idea how to begin to differentiate between Chinese and Japanese (so to me these are all more exotic languages), and Swahili and Polish are completely exotic.  Perhaps one with more worldly experience than I would learn a different foreign language faster than I could.  

Moreover, I crave to be able to say with confidence, "oh yes, I am fluent in French" and proceed to carry out a conversation with ease.  I would love to have thoughts or perhaps even dreams in French.  I sometimes become very excited when I make a mistake and write a word in French rather than in English, or when talking with a friend about my French class and my brain automatically begins to try to translate everything I wish to say into French. In these instances, I feel I am showing progress and perhaps learning more than I may realize.  On the other hand, whenever I fail French homework assignments repeatedly or have extreme difficulties with French tests I become somewhat discouraged and realize just how much more I have to learn. 

As for now I remain completely jealous of the bilingual and long for the day I may join this accomplished group of devoted scholars.  To be able to write prose and stories in two different languages would be sublime.  To be able to choose which language a given story would show more meaning in would expand my literary experience.  Similar ideas may be shared across languages but words are unique.  Words define our human experience and some languages may explain a phenomenon more vividly than others.  

Words and language are beautiful aspects of human culture and fundamental to human society and global interaction.  Fluency across languages is paramount.  

Night Life

People go out at night and get drunk and dance and have a great time.  This is an essential truth that happens worldwide nightly.  The night makes it seem like someone can escape from the life of the day and become a new, risk-taking, care-free person without a care in the world.  Many go out in order to socialize with their friends and meet new people and embrace this sexy person they can become in the dim lights and loud music.
The night begins by taking forever to actually leave and then arriving fashionably late.  This is achieved in different ways for guys and gals.  The ladies of course change clothes about fifty times while getting progressively more intoxicated and excited in a blur of eyeliner, mascara, flat irons, and hairspray.  The make up is heavy and so is the perfume.  The hair is big and the outfits are small.  The men, well, who knows what they do really?  Finally, everyone piles into the car in order to reach the destination which will probably evolve into another destination and some of your friends will probably lose articles of clothing, wallets, purses, I.D.s, keys, cell phones, and more.  The night is filled with excitement and wonder and mistakes and eventually everyone goes home or, most likely, falls asleep.
Its fun right?  Exciting.  Sometimes full of drama but always different and one night is never the same as the night before.  There are never the same people or even the same venues.  Going out is an adventure.
  Nowadays though I have lost my need to go out and desperately crave attention.  That is what night life is about right?  The attention from the cute guys and the girls that want to be you.  Whenever you are in a good, meaningful relationship though that need for attention goes away.  You only want to look good for the one who matters.  I am not saying don't go out with your friends and have fun I am just saying that you know the whole night who you are missing.  You know how much you don't want attention from the guys, you just want attention from him.
And when that one person isn't there sometimes you find yourself question why you even bothered being there yourself.

Maybe you don't agree with me or maybe you don't understand but I hope for your sake you do someday and you have that person you would rather be with than anywhere else.

Dreams for the Future

Dreams for the Future/Bucket List

1. Aggie Ring
2. "Mug down" at Midnight Yell
3. Walk under the Century Tree with the one
4. Visit Alaska/Ride in a dog sled 
5. Go to a horse race 
6. Ride horses on the beach 
7. Learn to think in French 
8. Keep a good GPA throughout college and possibly get my masters 
9. Figure out what I want to do with my life and then find a career I am passionate about.  
10. The perfect surprise proposal that completely takes me off guard at which point he says the words "(my name), will you marry me?" and maybe some sweet words leading up to it.  
11. Travel to Rome and Ireland and hopefully Greece
12. A lovely wedding (of course)
13. Live in a lovely two story house with a wrap-around porch in the middle of the country with lots of land and animals and the big open Texas sky, a place for my children to grow up
14. Remain close to my family and God 
15. Always remember to realize that happiness can come from anywhere no matter where life goes 
16. Love with an abandon that lasts for a lifetime. 

Rain

There is some sort of overwhelming peace that comes from watching the rain or hearing it.  Some may disagree, especially those who are attempting to drive somewhere or are stuck in Wal-Mart waiting for the rain to let up enough to possibly make it to the car without completely soaking the groceries.   Nonetheless,whenever a person has a moment to sit quietly and breathe for a moment there is a peace that courses through the body and possible the soul.  Thunderstorms are a different matter entirely.  It is as if there are two people in the world; those who love thunderstorms and those who hate them, but that is a different story.  The purpose here is simply rain.

"He will come to us like the showers, like the spring rains that water the earth."  Hosea 6:3

I believe this peace that everything in the world will somehow perhaps be okay again comes from this:  God is in the rain.   People experience this phenomenon differently.  To those who are sad the rain sympathizes.  It is like the Earth is also experiences the emotional upheaval that is ravaging the individual.  The gray skies cry with you as the Earth suffers your loss.  To those who are happy, the rain does not bring sadness.  Instead, it is as if the Earth is simply cleansing itself and when the skies clear everything will be bright and new.  For both, the world is purging herself in order to get rid of the day to day ick and dirt that has collected in all of the crevices.  Just as a person feels cleansed after a long cry the Earth feels after a rain.
Moreover, rain brings nourishment to the plants that scatter the Earth and the crops that feed the people.  Rain brings water to those who are thirsty and hope to those who are almost lost.
Rain brings new life and new perspective.  Next time you have a minute watch the rain and hear its pattering on the roof.  Sit on the porch and watch the dirt wash away.  Breathe in the lovely smell of rain.  Maybe even go dance in the rain or have a mud fight.  Splash in all the puddles and rejoice in the day.  (Its not like you can do any yard/field work anyways) God is in the rain.  He will be there in the storm and when the sun shines again.  The sun will shine again.

Star Quotes

"I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night." -Galileo

"Trust your heart if the seas catch fire (and live by love though the stars walk backwards)"

-E.E. Cummings 

"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves." -Shakespeare

"Look at the stars, look how they shine for you." -Coldplay

"May you touch dragonflies and stars, dance with fairies, and talk to the moon."
 -Anonymous 

"Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar; but never doubt I love." -Shakespeare

"Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded, and the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than your right hand, it really is the most poetic thing about physics; you are all stardust."

-Lawrence Krauss

"When you wish upon a star your dreams will come true."

"The stars at night are big and bright deep in the heart of Texas"

"Are we human because we gaze at the stars, or do we gaze at them because we are human?  Do the stars gaze back?  Now that's a question."
-Stardust

"Be humble for you are made of earth, 

Be noble for you are made of stars."