Ducks

So I've decided to be happy.  And alone.  But that's a different story that is altogether tied up with the happiness thing.  I work a lot and when I am not working I spend an overly indulgent amount of time in front of the TV becoming too emotionally invested in the characters.  Sometimes I drink wine on my balcony overlooking a pond at 2 in the afternoon and sometimes I go for a run that ends at the fitness center and work out.  Sometimes I cook myself a respectable supper and sometimes I just eat ice cream.  I sleep and don't sleep at all hours.  I text and call my friends back home and sometimes I don't talk to anyone for a day or two.

Its both exhilarating and terrifying to be, almost entirely, alone.  I do everything in my own time or not at all.  It is said that one can never be truly alone but I think that loneliness is more of a feeling that an actual existence. And I am happy, or rather I am working on finding out what that means for me.  So for now, I am will watch the ducks and drink my wine.

So you fall in love.  All of the dreaming and wishing and praying and you find the one and the fairytales are suddenly an accurate interpretation of your life and all of the songs on the radio make sense.  You fall in love hard.  So fast, so deeply, that breathing is difficult and you honestly have to think about and remember how your body used to breathe before you fell.  Everything is dreamlike and magical; the air is fresher, the sunshine warmer and somehow brighter, the rain is even joyful, and the cold is more of an excuse (as if you need one) for physical proximity.  Every second away from your love turns into an eternity.  Time stops when you are together and the struggles of the outside world fade away.  Life becomes easier and stress fades away and suddenly problems outside your relationship do not exist.  Happiness is the only real thing and all that matters is this moment with him.

Time passes and this love becomes less severe and less novel.  The once thrilling moments of seeing one another after two hours apart turn into just simple "hey, was traffic bad?"   Suddenly, all that was fresh, new, and extraordinary becomes mundane.  The flutter of butterflies in your stomach becomes an ordinary sensation and your body becomes desensitized to the once burning touch of your lover.  Life and even love becomes ordinary.

How do you keep the spark that every old couple that has been together for a hundred years says they still have?  Does "the spark" really last or is it just that you have become so ingrained into his being that he can not imagine going a day without talking to you?  How do these everyday experiences of just seeing one another suddenly become commonplace?  As a girl, I want my lover to see me as the most extraordinary piece of art and flesh he has ever seen in his life.  I want him to think of me and only me, despite my flaws.  I want to continue to be amazing.  How do I keep being amazing when there is always the novelty of new?  There is always someone prettier or more physically fit or more comfortable in her own skin.  How is a girl supposed to compete with that?

And finally, how do you know when to call it quits?  How do you know when the fighting that has become such a part of your relationship has finally come to the point when the problems are too big to deal with?  How do you say, with such confidence, this relationship has run its course and there is nowhere else to go but in separate directions?  How do you say goodbye to your best friend and your lover, the person who knows more about you than anyone else has ever before?  It simply comes down to, I still want to be with you in your life, hanging out with you every single day but our relationship is no longer worth it so where do we go from here?

We have all seen the great romantic movies or read the epic romances where couple goes through an extreme ordeal and overcomes monumental obstacles.  When the obstacles are small and ordinary how is anyone supposed to even see them growing greater?  How do you fight obstacles that were once just differences in personalities?

All at once, you wonder if you even miss the one who used to hold all of your attention and all of your heart.  Moments away become breaths of fresh air and moments together are just sharing the same space, almost interacting.   All at once, you wonder if you are just together because you are used to being together, you are accustomed to his habits and schedule and you are so much a part of his life and he is so much a part of yours that life without him is unimaginable.  All at once, you wonder at what point the problems became bigger than the need to be together and all at once, you are breathing on your own more and more.  Apathy has crept in and taken over where passion used to be.  Physical attraction is all that is left but without an emotional connection it may as well be anyone, not the man who used to be your oxygen.

Love has lost its luster.   Suddenly, minutes, hours, and even days can go by without seeing one another and sharing only short, awkward conversations for moments when conversations used to last for hours on the way towards one another. Where did it all go wrong?

Where do you go from here?  Do you fight for what you know in the relationship that you have become so accustomed to or do you just let it go with your apathetic mentality knowing the problems have just gotten too big to overcome?  The person you once saw as your ever after has just become a persons struggling to have a good life as well, not necessarily in your same general direction.  Perhaps you were foolish in planning the distant future too soon.  You jumped the gun and this is the result.  People said there would be hardships but no one said they would be this simple and complex all at once.

"Damp, Drizzly November"

 "Whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul"—Herman Melville, Moby-Dick
The month of November has always been a happy time for me.  There is my birthday, which is always special, and there is Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday, and there is plenty of football.  The days are becoming cooler but the sun still shines.
I am beginning to understand what Herman Melville spoke of in this introduction to Moby Dick, the oppressive feeling of gloom.  Classes are going slower, and the schedule of the semester is starting to wear on the students.  Energy and motivation and time are running out and soon the semester will come to a close.  It is more than just the weighing down of an abundance of schoolwork that needs to be finished before the close though.
Times are changing and next semester will be different, fresh, and sparkling new.  For now though, there is a "damp, drizzly November in my soul" and I long for things I cannot have.  I feel lost and lonely and just gloomy.  I ache for Thanksgiving and Christmas, for the warmth.  Distances are becoming farther.
Soon enough November will end, won't it?

Birthdays

When I was small my birthday was the best day.  My birthday was the day that was entirely mine and all of the wonderful things of the year happened in this one day.  I was one year older, one year closer to being grown up, one year to add to my collected years that would improve my seniority, one year more to count on my fingers until I ran out.  Time would drag between the birthdays, the days that were mine.  The year between would be endless and the days before more than infinite.  A strange occurrence happened though at each birthday, looking back to the birthday before the time between now and then seemed to have been a mere moment.  The days of waiting were, in the grand scheme of things, not long at all and as I have grown older yet the time of waiting does not affect me and the time between in less than instant.
Now i just want to go back because birthdays become less exciting with age.  Now you wish for time to slow and birthdays to creep along slowly like molasses.  You wish for more time and more space between the increasing age of your body.  Now we are too big to fit into the same spaces we did as a child.  All of my cousins can no longer fit as comfortable within a car at the maximum occupancy.  We are too old for things like Easter Egg Hunts and riding the small ponies and digging the trenches for the toy tractors and dump trucks.  My childhood friends have grown and are beginning to fade away like the sunset and go their own ways.  The forever of the best friend is coming to an end.  There are different animals on the farm, familiar yet new, some old, some young, each with a story, each a mere nick on the post of the fence, a mere moment in the age-old land.
I do not like the changing times.  I wish to slow the moments down.  This time in my life is tumultuous and changing.  The twenties are a transitory time in the life of any person.  It is the time after the childhood, the beginning of growing up and becoming individually independent.  It is the ending of a time and the beginning of a time, it is the  time in between,  It is the time of finding the one to settle down with, the time of finding the rest of our life.
In this time of change I have new experience and I am nostalgic for old constants.  I visit the place of my roots less.  I no longer have the time to wander the pastures with the horses as they graze, to pass my hand along the cotton or corn stalks in the fields as I walk down the rows, to watch the clouds, the birds, and the skies.  My time outside does not end when it becomes too dark to see, now there is a numerical time that minds me.
Birthdays are still exciting.  I can add each one to the collection of days that are only mine.  I hold less anticipation for them and feel less sadness when they are gone.  I have grown one year older and the times are a-changing.  Nostalgia for what I had is present but for now I attempt to escape the numerical times and hold my faith in the good that is yet to come.

Loving the Rain

It was only a glance, a pause at a red light just before it changed. A flashing moment, that upon further consideration gave way to an elaborate style.  The girl was carrying her shoes and running in that trying-not-to-slip manner.  The rain was pouring down and soaked through all of her clothes upon impact.  Her hair was free and sticking to her neck and face and she still had so far to go.  The cars on the road beside the sidewalk on which she was traversing would occasionally splash a wave of water up as they shuffled through the traffic lights.  Upon first glance any on-looker would pity her, caught in the relentless rain and so far from anywhere with shelter.
In this moment she was laughing.  Not three steps behind her was a guy about her age; her partner in the empty world of the rain.  Rain has a way of isolating a person.  One is easily isolated from shelter of other people especially under the cover of an umbrella or rain jacket.  This couple had no protection and they were together alone in the rain.  He had no face and is less important because it is not his story, it is hers.
He was important to her though.  She was laughing and he was with her and she was not alone she was soaking wet and so far from anything and perfectly happy.  She was with him and they were alone in this world of rain running along this never-ending sidewalk.  The destination did not matter and the cars did not matter and the time did not matter.  Time was at a stand still and for a moment the girl was consumed with the warmth of happiness and love.
The light turned green.

Fluent

As I am learning to speak French, and as I attempted to learn Spanish in high school, I am increasingly amazed with the way people can become fluent in a foreign language, let along languages.  I imagine language comes more naturally to certain people such as math or athletics or music is more natural to others.  I also imagine some people learn the foreign language quickly through necessity and/or total immersion.  Then there are those devoted scholars with nothing to drive them beyond desire to learn a new language.  However the knowledge has been obtained I am completely in awe of the fluent speakers of foreign languages.  The more exotic the language is the more admiration I have for the individual.  One may argue that all foreign languages are exotic but I disagree.  For example, in Texas there are very many Spanish speakers, therefore a student of Spanish has probably heard, seen, or perhaps even utilized many Spanish words.  I am merely saying some languages a student has been exposed to while others are one may know exists but has never heard or seen written.  For example, before learning French in school I had only seen it written down a couple of times (if at all) and heard it perhaps a few times.  I have only heard Greek or Italian spoken in movie,s I have no idea how to begin to differentiate between Chinese and Japanese (so to me these are all more exotic languages), and Swahili and Polish are completely exotic.  Perhaps one with more worldly experience than I would learn a different foreign language faster than I could.  

Moreover, I crave to be able to say with confidence, "oh yes, I am fluent in French" and proceed to carry out a conversation with ease.  I would love to have thoughts or perhaps even dreams in French.  I sometimes become very excited when I make a mistake and write a word in French rather than in English, or when talking with a friend about my French class and my brain automatically begins to try to translate everything I wish to say into French. In these instances, I feel I am showing progress and perhaps learning more than I may realize.  On the other hand, whenever I fail French homework assignments repeatedly or have extreme difficulties with French tests I become somewhat discouraged and realize just how much more I have to learn. 

As for now I remain completely jealous of the bilingual and long for the day I may join this accomplished group of devoted scholars.  To be able to write prose and stories in two different languages would be sublime.  To be able to choose which language a given story would show more meaning in would expand my literary experience.  Similar ideas may be shared across languages but words are unique.  Words define our human experience and some languages may explain a phenomenon more vividly than others.  

Words and language are beautiful aspects of human culture and fundamental to human society and global interaction.  Fluency across languages is paramount.  

Night Life

People go out at night and get drunk and dance and have a great time.  This is an essential truth that happens worldwide nightly.  The night makes it seem like someone can escape from the life of the day and become a new, risk-taking, care-free person without a care in the world.  Many go out in order to socialize with their friends and meet new people and embrace this sexy person they can become in the dim lights and loud music.
The night begins by taking forever to actually leave and then arriving fashionably late.  This is achieved in different ways for guys and gals.  The ladies of course change clothes about fifty times while getting progressively more intoxicated and excited in a blur of eyeliner, mascara, flat irons, and hairspray.  The make up is heavy and so is the perfume.  The hair is big and the outfits are small.  The men, well, who knows what they do really?  Finally, everyone piles into the car in order to reach the destination which will probably evolve into another destination and some of your friends will probably lose articles of clothing, wallets, purses, I.D.s, keys, cell phones, and more.  The night is filled with excitement and wonder and mistakes and eventually everyone goes home or, most likely, falls asleep.
Its fun right?  Exciting.  Sometimes full of drama but always different and one night is never the same as the night before.  There are never the same people or even the same venues.  Going out is an adventure.
  Nowadays though I have lost my need to go out and desperately crave attention.  That is what night life is about right?  The attention from the cute guys and the girls that want to be you.  Whenever you are in a good, meaningful relationship though that need for attention goes away.  You only want to look good for the one who matters.  I am not saying don't go out with your friends and have fun I am just saying that you know the whole night who you are missing.  You know how much you don't want attention from the guys, you just want attention from him.
And when that one person isn't there sometimes you find yourself question why you even bothered being there yourself.

Maybe you don't agree with me or maybe you don't understand but I hope for your sake you do someday and you have that person you would rather be with than anywhere else.

Dreams for the Future

Dreams for the Future/Bucket List

1. Aggie Ring
2. "Mug down" at Midnight Yell
3. Walk under the Century Tree with the one
4. Visit Alaska/Ride in a dog sled 
5. Go to a horse race 
6. Ride horses on the beach 
7. Learn to think in French 
8. Keep a good GPA throughout college and possibly get my masters 
9. Figure out what I want to do with my life and then find a career I am passionate about.  
10. The perfect surprise proposal that completely takes me off guard at which point he says the words "(my name), will you marry me?" and maybe some sweet words leading up to it.  
11. Travel to Rome and Ireland and hopefully Greece
12. A lovely wedding (of course)
13. Live in a lovely two story house with a wrap-around porch in the middle of the country with lots of land and animals and the big open Texas sky, a place for my children to grow up
14. Remain close to my family and God 
15. Always remember to realize that happiness can come from anywhere no matter where life goes 
16. Love with an abandon that lasts for a lifetime. 

Rain

There is some sort of overwhelming peace that comes from watching the rain or hearing it.  Some may disagree, especially those who are attempting to drive somewhere or are stuck in Wal-Mart waiting for the rain to let up enough to possibly make it to the car without completely soaking the groceries.   Nonetheless,whenever a person has a moment to sit quietly and breathe for a moment there is a peace that courses through the body and possible the soul.  Thunderstorms are a different matter entirely.  It is as if there are two people in the world; those who love thunderstorms and those who hate them, but that is a different story.  The purpose here is simply rain.

"He will come to us like the showers, like the spring rains that water the earth."  Hosea 6:3

I believe this peace that everything in the world will somehow perhaps be okay again comes from this:  God is in the rain.   People experience this phenomenon differently.  To those who are sad the rain sympathizes.  It is like the Earth is also experiences the emotional upheaval that is ravaging the individual.  The gray skies cry with you as the Earth suffers your loss.  To those who are happy, the rain does not bring sadness.  Instead, it is as if the Earth is simply cleansing itself and when the skies clear everything will be bright and new.  For both, the world is purging herself in order to get rid of the day to day ick and dirt that has collected in all of the crevices.  Just as a person feels cleansed after a long cry the Earth feels after a rain.
Moreover, rain brings nourishment to the plants that scatter the Earth and the crops that feed the people.  Rain brings water to those who are thirsty and hope to those who are almost lost.
Rain brings new life and new perspective.  Next time you have a minute watch the rain and hear its pattering on the roof.  Sit on the porch and watch the dirt wash away.  Breathe in the lovely smell of rain.  Maybe even go dance in the rain or have a mud fight.  Splash in all the puddles and rejoice in the day.  (Its not like you can do any yard/field work anyways) God is in the rain.  He will be there in the storm and when the sun shines again.  The sun will shine again.

Star Quotes

"I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night." -Galileo

"Trust your heart if the seas catch fire (and live by love though the stars walk backwards)"

-E.E. Cummings 

"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves." -Shakespeare

"Look at the stars, look how they shine for you." -Coldplay

"May you touch dragonflies and stars, dance with fairies, and talk to the moon."
 -Anonymous 

"Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar; but never doubt I love." -Shakespeare

"Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded, and the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than your right hand, it really is the most poetic thing about physics; you are all stardust."

-Lawrence Krauss

"When you wish upon a star your dreams will come true."

"The stars at night are big and bright deep in the heart of Texas"

"Are we human because we gaze at the stars, or do we gaze at them because we are human?  Do the stars gaze back?  Now that's a question."
-Stardust

"Be humble for you are made of earth, 

Be noble for you are made of stars." 

Missing You

"I miss you even more than I could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal." 

-Vita Sackville-West 

"You get a strange feeling when you're about to leave a place, like you'll not only miss the people you love, but you'll miss the person you are now at this time and place because you'll never be this way ever again." 

"Missing someone isn't about how long it has been since you have seen them or the amount of time since you've talked.  It's about that very moment when you're doing something and wishing they were right there with you." 

"Tu me manques"

"Love reckons hours for months and days for years
and every little absence is an age."
-John Dryden 

"A song can take you back instantly to a moment, a place, or even a person.  No matter what else has changed in you or in the world, that one song stays the same, just like that moment.  Which is pretty amazing, when you actually think about it."  -Sarah Dessen 

"The scariest thing about distance is you don't know whether they'll miss you or forget about you."

-Nicholas Sparks 

"Funny how a melody sounds like a memory, like a soundtrack to a July Saturday night."

-Springsteen by Eric Church

"Oh these times are hard and they're making us crazy, don't give up on me baby"
-For the First Time by the Script

Miss me terribly, 

Think of me often, 

And know no matter where you are,

You always carry a piece of my heart.

The Re-emergence of Stress

 "It simply isn't an adventure worth telling if there aren't any dragons."

-J.R.R. Tolkien

Stress is such a elusive and yet prominent factor of life.  I would like to think that as a person got older the amount of stress they were under decreased but in fact, I believe that a person merely learns to deal with the stress in certain aspects of life but is forever encountering new causations.
The fact of the matter is stress is intense emotional and mental turmoil over an event or situation that is not entirely within one's control.  Of course there are millions of articles and products and methods to relive stress but when it comes down to it, stress may only be dealt with by the individual.  A person can determine what to be stressed about and what to simply let happen.  However, this is easier said than done.
Stress is a complicated issue that is experienced differently for each person in different ways.
I am one to be easily stressed out over matters that should probably not concern me as much as they do.  Growing up, I would become so nervous before performing for judges and just people in general, rather it be playing the piano or the flute, dancing, or singing.  As I got older my nervousness was easier to contain and less to deal with.  I am proud to say I have less stress going into performances, public speaking, and major tests than ever before.
Nonetheless, I still become stressed out by new situations rather casual or professional.  I worry about matters that do not need to be fussed over and will play out in time.  I am a person who generally has a plan about the events in the day, the week, the month, and so forth.  I have a planner and whenever I make a plan rather it be formal obligation or simply a design on how my time that day will be spent I like to stick to it.  I like times and organization and scheduling.  I am very much like my mother in these ways.  She was always there for me growing up and taught me how to breathe and just do my best.  She was always told me straight what she thought which helped me to grow but in the same way she was very supportive.
Nevertheless, someone came into my life about five months ago who is pretty much the opposite of me in this manner.  This person does not stress the small things and does not make plans or set time limits on situations.  Of course, this individual is very dependable and does what has been promised on time every time.  Regardless this person has the ability to calm me down and realize what is important and when simply to go with the flow. They showed me a new way of thinking and I showed them mine (which I pretty sure caused them stress too but only because they cared).   I did not realize what an impact this individual was making until they were not here everyday with me.  Although just a phone call away, it is not the same.  You know who you are.  I just wanted to say thank you.  You always have the capability to calm me down and I hope to see you soon.
Now I have to deal with issues and new situations alone again and it seems like I have almost forgotten how. Its a hard thing to grow up and be dependent on yourself to wash clothes and remember to eat and pay your bills and other adult things but it is one everyone has to go through.  And rather you are at this point in your life or younger and think life is stressful now under your parents' roof just you wait or older and have it figured out a little better than the rest of us; life does not go according to plan.  One can either have great emotional breakdowns everyday and not learn to deal with matters or attack situations (and have only the occasional breakdown).  Whatever happens remember that in any situation, this is only a moment and soon it will pass.  Someone once said "Everything will be alright in the end, and if it is not alright, it is not the end".  Bad things will happen but good ones will happen also.  It is up to you to decide on which to focus.

"If we wait until we are ready we will be waiting for the rest of our lives."  -Lemony Snicket 

What I Love

1. You know who you are 
2. Lovely words and inspiring quotes
3. Music <3
4. Texas 
5. Dancing
6. Those nights that seem like they will last for forever and you never want them to end 
7. Texas A&M University 
8. Sweet tea 
9. Homemade ice cream 
10. Butterflies!  (real ones, jewelry, clothes, and of course the ones in your stomach) Les papillions 
11. Thunderstorms 
12. Sunshine
13. The beach 
14. Stories, history, wonderful movies, and captivating novels 
15. Fireflies 
16. Looking at the stars 
17. French
18. Traveling and vacations 
19. Harry Potter and the Lord of the Rings 
20. Strawberries 
21. Bread 
22. Kind people 
23. Colorful pens, makers, and crayons
24. Candles 
25. Singing 
26. When the music playing in the background applies directly to your current situation 
27. Sweet notes, emails, and text messages
28. Lovely surprises
29. Chicken fried steak 
30. Bookstores 
31. Old pictures and scrapbooks 
32. Cowboy boots 
33. Riding horses through the country side 
34. Twilight (my favorite time of day) 
35. Analyzing literature 
36. Baking 
37. Sundays (church, lunch, lazy afternoons, the best day of the week) 
38. Laughing almost too hard to breathe
39. County Fair and Rodeo 
40. Texas Renaissance Festival 
41. French braids 
42. Cookie dough and cookies straight from the oven 
43. Chips and salsa 
44. Puppies and kitties and bunnies 
45. Hot chocolate (Chocolat chaud) 
46. Rainbows
47. Nail polish 
48. Earrings 
49. Bubble baths and hot tubs 
50. Hammocks (even though I always fall out) 
51. Mason jars 
52. Friendship bracelets 
53. Sparkling grape juice and fancy drinks 
54. New clothes that make you feel pretty 
55. Journals 
56. Bath and Body Works lotions, perfumes, soaps, etc. (and generally everything that makes a person smell nice) 
57. Realizing just how happy you are in this exact moment 
58. Country music
59. Parties 
60. Boat rides and fishing 
61. Blankets to snuggle in 
62. Snuggling (which is a much better word to use than cuddle) 
63. Kisses goodnight (but never goodbye) "I didn't want a to kiss you goodbye, that was the trouble; I wanted to kiss you goodnight. And there's a lot of difference." - Ernest Hemingway
64. Happy memories  
65. Fairy tales 
66. Big trucks 
67. Taking pictures 
68. Long phone calls 
69. Clean laundry warm from the dryer 
70. Finding money in your pocket you forgot you had 
71. Seeing God shine through people and nature
72. Encouraging Bible verses 
73. Praying 
74. Board games
75. Ultimate frisbee 
76. Football games
77. Heartfelt conversations
78. Two story houses with wrap-around porches
79. Rocking chairs and porch swings 
80. Trees 
81. Chocolate 
82. Museums 
83. Pinterest
84. Thanksgiving 
85. The feeling of being in love 
86. Crisp, clean sheets 
87. Simple dresses that are lovely 
88. The ride home 
89. Organization
90. Summer camp 
91. Pretty, curly hair
92. Contact lenses 
93. Blue jean shorts 
94. Sunglasses 
95. Fresh vegetables from the backyard garden 
96. Ceiling fans 
97. Coupons 
98. Big and warm jackets 
99. Bonfires (and of course s'mores) 
100. Country living 

What do you love? 

The Backseat

It is strange to think so much of our time as children aspiring and wishing to be in the front seat of every vehicle we have the privilege of riding in.  When we are finally old enough or big enough to start riding in the front seat consistently, we race our brothers, sisters, cousins, and friends to reach the coveted "shotgun"seat first.  Through high school and college and beyond this game goes on with confrontations and negotiations, with victories and defeats.
However, in my opinion sometimes the backseat is more fun.  No, I do not mean that in any dirty or negative way.  I simply mean the backseat is the place where, of course it is usually crowded, but it also the place to relax and stare out the window without having to be the driver, navigator, DJ, or anything.  There are no responsibilities for the backseat rider except for trying to keep your face out of the rear view mirror so the driver can see behind him or her.  In the backseat the rider can simply ride.  One can participate in the conversations one wishes to participate in or simply listen to music or read a book.
Beyond that,  the interactions and conversations or the backseat are more conversations.  There may be more people than there should and with that there is a certain bond.  There is the thrill of going to a new and exciting place with these friends or acquaintances in a car that is filled to the brim.  There is laughter and loud music to sing along to and phones to be passed back and forth.  There is wonder that is tangible in the air as the day/night begins.
In the same way there is the quiet peace of the ride home.  Probably the same people that came in the car will not be leaving in the car but maybe so.  The ride home is much calmer.  The music is just background noise now and each is in there own thoughts.  Of course on the first few minutes of the car ride may be conversation of tales and stories being recounted with such fervor but after all the events have been discussed everyone slips away to a quiet ponder to recover from such exhaustion.  These are the best moments of the back seat.  These are the moments when some may drift off to sleep on the shoulder of a friend rather old or brand new.  It is in these moments when a girl, who has strategically placed herself next to the boy who has given her butterflies from the journey's initial commencement or maybe even before then, has the opportunity to sit close and maybe lean her head against his shoulder in real (or fake) exhaustion.  It is these moments that can change the course of a night and spark a relationship even if the movement stops here, the dynamic has changed.  Or the situation may continue.  He puts his arm around her and she snuggles up next to him in a quiet and easy way.  He may whisper something to her and she turns to respond and there may be a kiss that causes an eruption of butterflies. It is the quiet moments like these on the car ride home that make the backseat an unforgettable space.
There are the loud and exuberant moments and there are the quiet and unforgettable moments that make the back seat the place for each person in their own way. So the next time you lose the competition do not be too dismayed.  If you have the privilege of sitting in the back seat and have a moment to pause and think, remember all of the memories you have from when someone else had control of the direction you were going. Remember all of the moments that have led you to this one.  For it is in these moments of relinquished control that we have space to think and feel and act in the bubble that is the car taking you away from the pressures of the outside.  It is here, in the back seat, you can experience butterflies and peace.

Musicality and the Brain

Multimodal Project

Colorful Music

Music is essential to culture and society and has been for centuries.  Music surrounds us where ever we go; elevators, shopping malls, football games, and festivals.  Music is lovely and artistic, like this photo.  

In this image, the viewer is initially drawn to the color on the keys of a black piano.  Typically, piano keys are black and white but in rare instances all of the keys are black.  In this image, it is difficult to tell if there are white keys because of the paint covering the keys.  The yellow especially is apparent because of the sharp contrast to the black piano.  The colors could metaphorically represent the way the piano invokes creativity and brings color, or individuality through music.  Every piano player plays and performs the music differently in the same way that every person writes in their own individual way.  In each person's individual way the player changes the music, even the pieces by Beethoven or Mozart that have been around for centuries and thousands of people practice relentlessly are developed differently with each new student, with each new player.  

Furthermore, the colors hold no pattern which just adds to the beauty of this photo.  This art can never be reproduced, the art just happened just like music changes with each new performance.  

The point of view adds aesthetic appeal to the image.  The way the photo is taken so that the audience is peering down the keyboard in order to focus on keys and the colors they have been painted. This creates a focus on only the piano and the beauty of the scene. 

The effect of the picture is one of anticipation.  It is almost as if the audience is waiting, just as the piano is waiting, for hands to appear and begin to ske the keys, dancing up and down the keyboard and developing a melody.  The melody is different to every listener but to each the music speaks to the soul.  The music tells a story, shares a hardship, and embodies true love.  In this way, the effect on the viewer may transform from person to person, but to all the photo attempts to illustrate the beauty and majesty of music.  

Musical Training on the Child's Brain

The article, Effects of Music Training on the Child's Brain and Cognitive Development, is a scholarly article because of its publication in a scholarly, peer reviewed journal by the Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences.  

The article presents the case that adults who have had musical training have structural and functional differences in their brains as opposed to those adults without.  This has been discovered through studying children from the ages of five to eleven with musical training and comparing them to a control group of five to eleven year olds without musical training.  The experiment starting with children of similar ages and allowed the experimental group to undergo musical training (eventually amounting to four years) and comparing the results to children in the control group without the musical training.  The experiment would examine different parts of the brain in both groups of children and compare the differneces. These differences are apparent between those with musical training and those without and these differences carry on to the children becoming adults.  Musical training has been shown to improve fine motor skills, language, and mathematical performance. 

The article explores the case and presents the findings at multiple ages of the children through diagrams and written explanations.  Through the use of data and logos, the article presents the findings and proves the point that musical training is very important for the development of the brain and can help in many aspects of life throughout time. 

SCHLAUG, G., NORTON, A., OVERY, K. and WINNER, E. (2005), Effects of Music Training on the Child's Brain and Cognitive Development. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 1060: 219–230. doi: 10.1196/annals.1360.015
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1196/annals.1360.015/full

Life, Love, and Good Memories

"Country music is the people's music. It just speaks about real life and about truth and it tells things how they really are." ~Faith Hill
Country music is music is similar to a fine white wine; it is an acquired taste. Most people who adore country music and listen to it almost exclusively have acquired the love from a young age from their parents and have evolved this love into their own. However, there are those, like myself, who have acquired the taste in another fashion.
I started to seriously get into and seek out country music when I started going to a dance hall/bar just outside of my small town in high school. In our small community, this was the place to go and dance and be seen on the weekends. The town in which the dance hall was located was so small that in fact we just called it for the town name; El Maton. Looking back, this small dance hall was not exciting or even very interesting but when I was sixteen years old wearing my cute blouse, shorts, and cowboy boots, out with all my friends and dancing with my high school crushes, those El Maton nights were a dream. It was here I developed my love for the music. The more I went, the more I sought out music for my iPod and country radio stations to listen to in my car. Even now, I go attend dance halls, and although they may be bigger and better than El Maton; although, perhaps different songs, the music has not changed.
Country music reminds us of the slow living, summer days sitting on the back porch and drinking sweet tea as you watch the sunset and the lightning bugs start to come out.  The music speaks of faith in God, hard times, bravery, and remembering those we have lost. There are countless songs of love and sweet times when the world is lovely because you are with the one whom you adore, there are songs of love lost and missing the one that got away, and there are songs about fishing and drinking beer.
Country music embodies all that is good in the country, especially in the south, where there are dirt roads, tractors, fields to plow and harvest, sunshine to be embraced (along with the sweat), hard work, and long evenings. It is the music that reminds us to slow down and remember where we come from. Once discovered and embraced, it is the music that one seeks out and consumes over half (if not all) the radio presets. There are those who prefer the city life and choose a different life set to a different tune and there are those who just can not stand all of the bad vowels in the singing but to those the music speaks to, country music is the lifestyle we wish to maintain.

 

What is the Obsession?

Throughout pop culture today there is an increasing fascination about zombies.  There have been video games, television shows, horror films, books, and more.  So what is a zombie?  One common definition is: 

"the body of a dead person given the semblance of life, but mute and will-less, by a supernatural force, usually for some evil purpose."

 Zombies are the "un-dead," those that have died and come back in a trance-like state.  They are not very fast but can definitely infect or kill a human and therefore are extremely dangerous especially in a "zombie apocalypse".  A so-called apocalypse would result in the entire human population becoming infected probably due to some type of human error in the form of a disease or attempted cure for a disease.  The science behind the cure would go terribly wrong and the side effects would result in most of the population becoming a zombie and hello zombie apocalypse.  
Previous to George Romero's (1968) Night of the Living Dead however, zombies were considered to be the result of voodoo or witchcraft.  In this film however, the zombies rose from the grave due to radiation from a fallen satellite. This film and the following Dawn of the Dead in 1978, started the revolution that set the stages for many of the movies and books seen today about the origin and situations of zombies. 
My brief experience with the zombie sensation include the television show The Walking Dead, the video games Black Ops 2 and Left 4 Dead, and the 2013 movie Warm Bodies.  In each of these there are different ideas of zombies, how they became infected, and how to kill them.  Moreover, the zombies have different appearances and different ways of motion.  
These experiences have sparked my curiosity for the new found obsession with the zombie.  However, this obsession with the idea that the dead may return is not new.  There have been generations of folklore about the un-dead created by voodoo and witchcraft but now the origins of zombies in the stories have been created by human error.  These ideas serve as a warning to humanity and the further search for new sciences.  Experiments and the desire for knowledge are important but some things may beyond the human capacity to control and the results may be detrimental.  They may even cause a zombie apocalypse.  The good news is our pop culture is educating us on ways to survive, hopefully they would be accurate. 



http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/zombie+?s=t
http://www.forbes.com/2009/10/29/oreilly-godzilla-science-technology-breakthroughs-zombies.html
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0063350/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Conventions in Writing

In my experience, students are taught to write two kinds of papers; professional topics and personal accounts or fiction.  The papers are extremely different formats and requirements and allow for different styles of writing.
The professional papers follow a strict structure with margins and headers and footers and page numbers and works cited.  The papers are to have a structure beginning with a introductory paragraph and thesis statement, about three paragraphs elaborating on the thesis statement, and then a conclusion paragraph that reaches a more complex grasp on the topic presented in the beginning.  Certain formats such as MLA are reviewed and memorized and utilized to the minute detail.  Moreover, the content of the paper should have a voice but there should never be personal comments by the author.  Of course, the author is presenting their own opinion and idea of the facts discussed but there is never an "I think" or "in my opinion".  The writing should elaborate fully and have hard evidence to support the claims.  This type of writing is extremely useful throughout school in order to portray professionalism and improve one's grade.
The personal accounts and fictional writing has a much less rigorous structure.  These writings are less common and mostly discouraged unless specifically required.  In these papers, there a few parameter beyond length, font, and spacing and the student may use personal statements in order to characterize and emphasize the tone of the author.  The teachers expected personal thoughts and comments on the events that happen throughout these writings.
Through the use of the professional papers the student is taught to present the facts and critically analyze the texts and evidence in order to prove a point of make a statement.  The personal accounts and fictional writings inspire the student to creatively write and escape into the fantasy realms.  These styles of writing are on completely opposite sides of the spectrum and through the proficient use of both of them, the students learn how to write in almost every element in order to find their personal style of writing.  Through uncompromising structures and countless papers and personal encouragement, I have learned to complete my ideas into words and organize the words into statements effectively for my required assignments in class and in my everyday life.  With this knowledge and the confidence I learned through schooling I will be able to write in a magnitude of elements and for multitude of reasons throughout my lifetime.